Funny jokes one liners
God grades on the cross, not the curve.
You won’t drink away the alcoholism.
I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
What’s the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.
That one liner ‘i’m not drinking too much tonight’ never goes as planned…
My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline; she hit the roof.
Prayer: Don’t give God instructions — just report for duty!
Temples are free to enter but still empty. Pubs charge to enter, but are full. People ignore inner peace &choose to pay for self destruction
If God is your co-pilot – swap seats.
When you get to your wit’s end, You’ll find God lives there.
I’m not saying your perfume is too strong. I’m just saying the canary was alive before you got here.
As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in schools.
I have noticed that everyone who is for abortion, has already been born.
The question isn’t at what age I want to retire, it’s at what income.
A diplomat is a man who always remembers a woman’s birthday but never remembers her age.
The Big Bang Theory: God Spoke and BANG! it happened.
Don’t let your worries get the best of you; remember, Moses started out as a basket case.
Alcohol is a perfect solvent: It dissolves marriages, families and careers.
I grew a beard thinking it would say “Distinguished Gentleman.” Instead, turns out it says, “Senior Discount, Please!”
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