Christmas Jokes #2 Funny Christmas Jokes for Adults

 

Santa likes girls

One day a little boy was sitting on Santa’s lap.

Santa puts his finger on the boy nose and says, «I bet your name is (spells out) J I M M Y." Jimmys eyes lit up in excitement.

Santa puts his finger on Jimmys nose and says, «I bet you want a B I K E." Again Jimmy was surprised, then gets a weird look on his face and says, «Santa, I bet you like G I R L S."Santa says "Yes, how do you know?"Jimmy says,"Cuz you're finger smells like P U S S Y."

 

ho ho gotta go!

Santa is putting presents by the tree when he hears a women voice say «Santa will you please come sit with me"? Santa turns and sees a beautiful woman sitting on her couch in a very sexy gown. Santa says "ho ho ho gotta go, kids are waiting on their toys you know". So, Santa goes about his work and is putting candy and toys in stockings when he hears the voice again say, "Santa, please come sit with me". Santa looks over and now the woman is lying in just her underwear on the couch.... Again he says, "ho ho ho, gotta go, kids are waiting on their toys you know". Then Santa goes over and nibbles on a cookie and drinks a sip of his milk when he hears the women voice one more time......."PLEASE SANTA, COME SIT WITH ME......I’m so lonely"! Santa takes another peek and this time the woman is totally naked and such a beautiful site......he looks down, looks at her again and says, " hey hey hey, gotta stay.....can't go up the chimney with my dick this way!!!!!! MERRY CHRISTMAS ALL......

 

Nasty Santa

T'was the night before Christmas and all through the house,

Everyone felt shitty, even the mouse,

My mom's in the whore house,

My dad's smoking grass,

I just settled down for a nice piece of ass,

All of a sudden I heard such a clatter,

I jumped up from my ass to see what was the matter,

Coming down the chimney like a bat out of hell,

I knew the fucker had fell,

Tumbling down with a big rubber dick,

I knew it must be Saint Nick,

He filled our stockings with pretzels and beer,

And a big rubber dick for my brother the queer,

The sucker went up the chimney with a thunderous fart,

The fucker blew our chimney apart,

Screaming and cursing out of sight,

“Piss on you all and have a hell of a night!”

 

The girl and the policeman

A City cop was on his horse waiting to cross the street when a little girl on her new shiny bike stopped beside him. "Nice bike," the cop said "did Santa bring it to you?" "Yep," the little girl said, "he sure did!" The cop looked the bike over and handed the girl a $5 ticket for a safety violation.The cop said, "Next year tell Santa to put a reflector light on the back of it." The young girl looked up at the cop and said, "Nice horse you got there sir, did Santa bring it to you?" "Yes, he sure did," chuckled the cop. The little girl looked up at the cop and said, "Next year tell Santa the dick goes underneath the horse, not on top."