Funny Jokes About Life

 

A woman in crowd at a political rally where Sir Winston Churchill is speaking shouted “You mongrel! Churchill, if you were my husband, I’d put rat poison in your tea”
Churchill replied “And if you were my wife, Ma’am I’d drink it happily!

“I can’t find the cause of your illness,” said the doctor, “But, I think it may be due to drinking,”
“In that case,” replied the young beautiful blonde woman, “I shall come back when you are not drunk”

Funny Jokes About Life

A Texas rancher and his wife were at a fancy restaurant.
When the waiter asked for their order, the rancher said, “I’ll have a big, thick, porterhouse steak.”
The waiter looked surprised as people were afraid to eat steak as mad cow disease was in news at that time
“Sir? You don’t care about mad cow?”
Looking at his wife, the rancher coolly replied, “Oh, she can order herself”

A blond woman calls airlines office and asks, “How long does it take to fly to New York?”
Receptionist: “Just a sec”
Blond woman: “Oh my god, that’s really fast, thanks”

Two construction workers were talking. “Hey, Billy! Since when did you start wearing an earring?”
Billy smiled. “Ever since my wife found it in our bed!”

At the wedding reception, it was the groom’s turn to speak.
He turned to his new father-in-law and began, “You’ve given me a gift that…”
As he paused to carefully choose his words, his father-in-law interjected, “…that you can’t return!”

Did you hear about the guy who lost his left arm and left leg in a car crash?
He’s all right now!

Patient: “Doc, My eyes are not what they use to be. I think I need glasses.”
Bank receptionist: “You sure do. This is a bank! Doctor’s office is next door”

A young blonde woman walking on the riverbank wants to go to the other side and couldn’t find out any bridge nearby to cross.
Luckily, she saw another blond young woman on the other side and shouted to her “Hi missy, how can I get to the other side?”
The second blonde women shouted back “You ARE on the other side”
First blonde replied back “gee, thanks, I thought your side is other side”

Once, when British Prime Minister Benjamin Disraeli was addressing the House of Lords, a member interrupted him and shouted, “You, sir, are either mad or diseased!”
Disraeli stared him down and calmly replied, “That depends, sir, on whether I embrace your principles or your mistress!”

Interviewer: Where you were born?
Candidate: Texas
Interviewer: Which part?
Candidate: The whole body