You can’t imagine a funny joke about husband wife and their love life without a twist of a lover… right. I know that is why I have got some pretty hilarious jokes for this exact situation when a cheating husband or a wife was caught red handed with their lover.
This is no doubt very awkward situation for three (or may be more) of them but it’s pretty hilarious too.
Just enjoy these jokes and don’t forget to share them with your friends or loved ones.
Married Man and His Secretary.
A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM.
The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt.
He put on his shoes and drove home.
“Where have you been?” his wife demanded.
“I can’t lie to you,” he replied, “I’m having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon.”
“You lying bastard!… You’ve been playing golf!”
Couple Having a Son.
A middle-aged couple had two beautiful daughters but always talked about having a son.
They decided to try one last time for the son they always wanted.
The wife got pregnant and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The joyful father rushed to the nursery to see his new son.
He was horrified at the ugliest child he had ever seen.
He told his wife, “There’s no way I can be the father of this baby. Look at the two beautiful daughters I fathered! Have you been fooling around behind my back?”
The wife smiled sweetly and replied, “Not this time!”
The White Statue
A woman was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband opening the front door.
“Hurry,” she said, “Stand in the corner.”
She rubbed baby oil all over him, and then dusted him with talcum powder.
“Don’t move until I tell you,” she said. “Pretend you’re a statue.”
“What’s this?” the husband inquired as he entered the room.
“Oh it’s a statue.” she replied. “The Smith’s bought one and I liked it so much I got one for us, too.”
No more was said, not even when they went to bed.
Around 2 am the husband got up, went to the kitchen and returned with a sandwich and a beer.
“Here,” he said to the statue, “Have this. I stood like that for two days at the Smith’s and nobody offered me a damned thing.”
The Bartender and His Wife.
A man walked into a cafe, went to the bar and ordered a beer.
“Certainly, sir, that’ll be one cent.” says the bartender.
“One cent?” the man thought.
He glanced at the menu and asked, “How much for a nice juicy steak and a bottle of wine?”
“A nickel,” the barman replied.
“A nickel?” exclaimed the man. “Where’s the guy who owns this place?”
The bartender replied, “Upstairs, with my wife.”
The man asked, “What’s he doing upstairs with your wife?”
The bartender replied, “The same thing i’m doing to his business down here.”
Husband’s Confession
Jake was dying. His wife sat at the bedside.
He looked up and said weakly, “I have something I must confess.”
“There’s no need to,” his wife replied.
“No,” he insisted, “I want to die in peace. I slept with your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and your mother!”
“I know, I know,” she replied. “Now just rest and let the poison work.”
Police Officer’s Wife
A police officer though scheduled for all-night duty at the station, was relieved of duty early and arrived home four hours ahead of schedule, at 2 in the morning. Not wanting to wake his wife, he undressed in the dark, crept into the bedroom and started to climb into bed.
Just then, his wife sleepily sat up and said, “Mike, dearest, would you go down to the all-night drug store on the next block and get me some aspirin? I’ve got a splitting headache.”
“Certainly, honey,” he said, and feeling his way across the dark room, he got dressed and walked over to the drug store.
As he arrived, the pharmacist looked up in surprise, “Say,” said the druggist, “I know you. Aren’t you a policeman? Officer fenwick, right?”
“Yeah, so?” said the officer.
“Well what the heck are you doing all dressed like the fire chief?”
Affair on The Thirteenth Floor
Two lovers were going at it in her apartment, when there was a sharp rap on the door.
“Oh no, it`s my husband!” loudly whispered the startled woman. “Quickly, jump out of the window!”
“Are you crazy?” gasped the lover. “We’re on the thirteenth floor!”
“Hurry up and jump,” cried the woman. “This is no time to be superstitious!”
Husband Arrives Home Late
Morris staggered into the house at two o’clock in the morning.
As he entered his bedroom, he found another man in bed with his wife. His wife pushed the man off her and demanded to know where Morris had been until two o’clock in the morning.
Morris looked at his wife’s lover and demanded, “Who in the hell is this guy, and what is he doing in bed with you?”
The wife responded, “Don’t go changing the subject!… Where in the hell have you been so late?”
A Farmer’s Wife’s Extramarital Relations
While going through his wife’s dresser drawers, a farmer discovered three Soybeans and an envelope containing $30 in cash. The farmer confronted his wife, and when asked about the curious items, she confessed, “Over the years, I haven’t been completely faithful to you, but when I did fool around, I put a Soybean in the drawer to remind myself of my indiscretion,” she explained.
The farmer admitted that he had not always been faithful either, and therefore, was inclined to forgive and forget a few moments of weakness in His wife.
“I’m curious though,” he said, “Where did the thirty dollars come from?”
“Oh that,” his wife replied, “Well, when soybeans hit ten dollars a bushel, I sold out!”
Little Kid Witnesses An Affair
Little Johnny sees his daddy’s car passing the playground and go into the Woods. Curious, he follows the car and sees daddy and aunt Jane in a passionate embrace.
Little Johnny finds this so exciting and can barely contain himself as he runs home and starts to tell his mother excitedly…
“Mommy, mommy, I was at the playground and daddy and…”
Mommy tells him to slow down. She wants to hear the story. So little Johnny tells her.
“I was at the playground and I saw daddy’s car go into the woods with aunt Jane. I went back to look and he was giving aunt Jane a big kiss, then he helped her take off her shirt, then aunt Jane helped daddy take his pants off, then aunt Jane laid down on the seat, then daddy…”
At this point, mommy cut him off and said, “Johnny, this is such an interesting story, suppose you save the rest of it for supper time. I want to see the look on daddy’s face when you tell it tonight.”
At the dinner table, mommy asks little Johnny to tell his story.
Johnny starts his story, describing the car into the woods, the undressing, laying down on the seat, and… “then daddy and aunt Jane did that same thing mommy and uncle bill used to do when daddy was in the army.”
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